


Icarus

by Wh1teOw1



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:47:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28686600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wh1teOw1/pseuds/Wh1teOw1
Summary: Moirai from Edwards point of view. (WILL NOT BE IN ORDER! I will add chapters as I write them, most are for practice to really get a feel for his voice, plus, drama and angst.)
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. Blood

#  **BLOOD**

Through the door. It shattered around me, flying off the wall in pieces. 

The roar that exploded from my core was entirely instinctual. The tracker’s head jerked up, and my eyes were on the mangled, tiny form he held in front of him, a bloodless, twisted arm held above her head.

The obstacle of the door had not slowed my momentum. I flew into the tracker mid-lunge, throwing him away from the figure, smashing him into the floor with enough force to crater the old masonry. I rolled, pulling him over me, and then kicked him to the center of the room. Where Emmett was waiting. 

For the entire quarter of a second that I was grappling with the tracker, I was barely aware of him as a living creature. He was just an object in my way. I knew that at some point in the near future, I would be jealous of Emmett and Jasper. I would wish for the chance to claw and slash and sever. 

But that was all meaningless now. I spun. As I had known she would be, Eva was crumpled, mangled body far too still on the cold, filthy stone, framed by spattered red. Everything was red. All the terror and pain I’d been subduing since I’d first heard Alice’s dread in the car crashed into me in an unstoppable tidal wave. 

She was limp, her arm was twisted at an unnatural angle from her body, Her heartbeat was weak, faltering. I didn’t decide to move, I was just there beside her, kneeling in her blood. Fire burned through my chest and my head, but I couldn’t separate out the different kinds of pain. 

I was afraid to touch her. She was broken in so many places. I could make it worse. 

I heard my own voice, rambling the same words over and over again. Her name. No. Please. Again and again like a record skipping. 

But I wasn’t in control of the sound. I heard myself screaming Carlisle’s name, but he was already there, kneeling in the blood on her other side. 

The words pouring from my mouth weren’t words anymore, just mangled, heaving sounds. Sobs. 

Carlisle’s hands gently rolled her onto her back. More. So much more. Her bloodied tongue lolled out of her mouth, her jaw pressed back and dislocated, sitting unnaturally at the bottom of her skull. Something orange glinted on her chest, and I realized there was a large piece of glass deeply punctured under her ribcage. 

Carlisle pushed two fingers tight against a spot three inches behind her right ear. I couldn’t see what he was doing; her hair was saturated with crimson. 

Then he moved, placing his hands around her lower jaw, and I heard a god awful grinding and popping sound of her bones grating against each other as he quickly relocated it. A weak gargling sound came from her throat, more red spattering through her lips. Her eyes flickered. 

“Eva!” I begged. Carlisle’s calm voice was the antithesis to my raw screaming. 

"She's lost a lot of blood, but the wound doesn’t seem to be bleeding like an artery, her lung collapsed," a calm voice informed me. 

"Watch out for her arm, it's broken." A howl of pure rage ripped through the room, and for a second I thought Emmett and Jasper were in trouble. I touched their minds—they were already gathering up the broken pieces—and realized that the sound had come from me. 

“Some ribs, too, I think,” Carlisle added, still preternaturally calm. His thoughts were practical, impassive. He knew I would be listening. But he was only mildly encouraged by his examination. We were in time, but the damage was critical. 

I caught the ifs in his assessment, though. If he could get the bleeding under control. If he could get the air out of her chest cavity. If the internal damage was no more than it seemed. If, if, if. His years of trying to keep human bodies alive gave him a plethora of insights into things that could go wrong. 

Her blood had soaked through my jeans. It covered my arms. I was painted in it. Eva moaned in pain. 

“Eva, you’re going to be fine.” My words were pleading, begging. 

“Can you hear me, Eva? I love you.” Another moan, a wheeze, not enough air behind it, —she was trying to speak. 

“Edward,” she gasped. 

“Yes, I’m here.” 

She whispered, barely more than a movement of her lips, “It hurts.” 

“I know, Eva, I know.” The jealousy surfaced then, like a fist punching through the center of my chest. I wanted so badly to break the tracker, to rip him into long, slow strips. So much pain and so much blood and I’d never be able to make him answer for it. It wasn’t enough that he was dying, that he would burn. It would never be enough. 

“Can’t you do anything?” I snarled at Carlisle. 

“My bag, please,” he called coolly to Alice. Alice made a tiny choking sound. I couldn’t force my eyes away from Eva’s bruised, blood-spattered face. 

Under the gore, her skin was paler than I’d ever seen it. Her eyelids didn’t so much as flutter. But I reached out to Alice’s mind and saw the complication. 

I’d yet to truly register the lake of blood I was kneeling in. I knew, somewhere inside, my body was probably reacting to it. But wherever that reaction was, it was so deep below the pain that it hadn’t surfaced yet. Alice loved Eva, but she was not physically prepared for this. She hesitated, teeth clenched, trying to swallow back the venom. 

Emmett and Jasper, too, were struggling. They’d pulled the shattered pieces of the tracker—and I could only vehemently hope that those pieces were still somehow able to process pain—out of the room. Emmett was watching Jasper closely for a break. Emmett himself was in admirable control. His concern for Eva was deeper than his usual carefree frame of mind allowed for. 

“Hold your breath, Alice,” Carlisle said. “It will help. Hold her still, I need to get the air out of her chest- Hand me that syringe, the 12 gauge-”

She nodded and stopped breathing as she darted forward, leaving Carlisle’s satchel next to his leg. Still unbreathing, she dug in the bag to hand the needle to him, and gently held Eva down, straining her neck away. I could hear the police sirens from the Emergency exit, now open.

I doubted they would find the stolen car parked in the shade on a quiet side street, but I didn’t really care if they did. 

“Alice?” Eva gasped. 

“She’s here.” I babbled the words. “She knew where to find you.” 

Eva whimpered. 

“My hand...” I was surprised by her specificity. There was so much damage. 

“I know, Eva. Carlisle will give you something. It will stop.” Carlisle was suturing the tears in her scalp so quickly his movements were blurring again. No bleed could escape his eyes. He was able to repair the larger vessels with tiny stitches that another surgeon would not be able to duplicate under perfect conditions even with mechanical assistance.

I wished he would take a break and get some painkillers into her system, but I could hear under his controlled calm that there was more damage to her head than he liked. He’d asked Alice for a needle, I was hoping he would use it to give her some morphine, but he angled the hollow needle, a large syringe, and plunged it into her chest. The air that had been compressing her lung hissed into the syringe as he extracted it quickly. 

With a sudden jolt, Eva twitched half upright. Carlisle caught her head in his left hand to steady it in his iron grip. Her eyes flew open—her sclera blood red with broken vessels—and she shrieked with more strength than I would have guessed she had left. 

“ _It’s--burning_!” 

“Eva?” I cried. Idiotically, for an instant I could think only of the fire raging though my own body. Was I hurting her? Her eyes fluttered, blinded by blood and blood-soaked hair. 

“Fire! It’s on _Fire! Please_!” she screamed, her back arching despite a groaning in her ribs. 

“God _please, PLEASE_!” She was sobbing and begging, eyes rolling back. The sound of her agony stupefied me. I knew that I understood the truth of what she was saying, but panic scrambled all the meanings in my head. 

It felt like someone else was forcing my head to turn away from her face, forcing my eyes to focus on the crimson-stippled hand that was attached to her twisted arm. A short, shallow slice was torn through the skin across the heel of her hand. It was nothing to her other injuries. 

Already the blood was slowing.… I knew what I was seeing, but I couldn’t form the right words. All I could gasp out was, 

“Carlisle! Her hand!” He glanced up unwillingly from his work, his fingers pausing for the first time. And then the shock hit him, too. His voice was hollow. 

“He bit her.” There were the words: He bit her. The tracker had bitten Eva. 

The fire was venom. 

In slow motion, I saw it replay in my memory. I ripped through the door. The tracker had her hand to his mouth. I slammed into him, forcing him away. But his teeth were exposed, his neck extended.… I’d been a millisecond too slow. 

Carlisle’s hands were still motionless. Fix her, I wanted to scream at him, but I knew, as he did, that his efforts were worthless now. Everything broken inside her would knit together on its own. Every shattered bone, every gash, every tiny leaking tear beneath her skin, all would be whole soon. Her heart would stop and never beat again. 

Eva screamed and writhed in misery. 

_Edward._

Alice had returned to my mind, shrieking mentally as she held her crouch beside Carlisle now, red seeping into her shoes. Lightly, she brushed the hair from Eva’s blood-spotted eyes. 

_You can’t let it happen this way!_

She was thinking of Carlisle. Carlisle was also remembering. The teeth marks on his own palm, and the long, protracted suffering of his change. Then he thought of me. A phantom burn raced along my hand, my arm. I remembered, too. 

“Edward, you have to do it,” Alice insisted. I could make this easier, faster for Eva. She didn’t have to suffer as long as I had. She would still suffer. The pain would be unimaginable. The fire would torture her for days. Just… not as many days. And at the end of it— 

“No!” I howled, but I knew my protest was useless. Alice’s vision was so strong now it seemed inevitable. Like history, not future. Eva, stone white, her eyes glowing a hundred times brighter than the slaughter scene surrounding us now. 

My own memory intruded, shoving another image into juxtaposition with Alice’s vision: Rosalie. Resentful, regretful. Always mourning what she’d lost. Never resigned to what had been done to her. She’d had no choice, and she’d never forgiven us. Could I bear to have Eva stare at me with the same regrets for the next thousand years? 

Yes! the most selfish part of me insisted. Better that than to have her disappear now, to slip away from me. But was it better? If she could grasp every ramification and every loss, would she choose this way? Did I even fully understand the cost? Was I aware of everything I’d traded in exchange for my immortality? Had the tracker just met the same black wall of nothingness that I was destined for someday? Or would there be eternal flames for the both of us? 

“Alice,” Eva groaned, her eyes sliding closed. Was she recognizing Alice’s return, or was she just giving up on my help? I was doing nothing but falling apart. Eva started screaming again, a long unbroken wail of agony. 

_Edward!_

Alice shouted at me. Her impatience with my hesitation was reaching a frenzy, but she didn’t trust herself enough to act. Alice saw that I was drowning. She saw my futures spinning out into a thousand different kinds of despair. On the outer edges, she even saw me doing the one unimaginable thing I hadn’t yet consciously considered. The thing I was sure I was too weak for. Until I saw it in her mind, I didn’t realize that version even existed inside my head. 

Now I could see it. Killing Eva. 

Kissing her one last time, apologizing to her again, trying to tell her how much I loved her before taking her jaw and the back of her head in my hands and twisting.

A loud snap, immediate silence, glazed, empty, flat, pale blue eyes focused on nothing. Painless. Fast.

Was it the right thing? To stop her pain? To give her, in her vibrant and raucous innocence, a chance at a different destiny than the inevitable one I knew I was facing? A different kind of afterlife than the cold, bloodthirsty one she was burning toward now? 

The pain was too much, and I couldn’t trust my thoughts, spinning out of control because Eva was screaming. 

I turned my eyes and mind to Carlisle, hoping for some assurance, some absolution, but I met something entirely different. In his mind, a coiled desert viper, sand-colored scales sliding across each other with a dry, rasping sound.

The image was so unexpected that I froze again with shock. 

“There may be a chance,” Carlisle said. There was just a glimmer of hope in his head. He saw what Eva’s suffering was doing to me now; he, too, feared what forcing her into this life would do to both her and me in the future. And yet, the sliver of hope… 

“What?” I begged him. What was the chance? Carlisle started stitching her scalp again. He had enough faith in this idea that he thought it might be necessary to finish repairing her wounds. 

“See if you can suck the venom back out,” he said, calm again. 

“The wound is fairly clean.” 

Every muscle in my body locked down. 

“Will that work?” Alice demanded. She looked ahead to answer her own question. Nothing was clear. No decision had been made. My decision was not made. 

Carlisle didn’t look up from his work. 

“I don’t know. But we have to hurry.” I knew how the venom would spread. She’d felt the first burn just a moment ago. It would climb slowly up her wrist, into her arm. Then faster and faster. There was no time for this. 

But! I wanted to scream. But I’m a vampire! I would taste the blood and I would frenzy. 

_Especially_ her blood. 

Only the burning she was feeling now was stronger than the flames in my throat, my chest. If I gave in even a tiny bit to that need… 

“Carlisle, I…” My voice faltered in shame. Did he even realize what he was suggesting? 

“I don’t know if I can do that.” 

Carlisle’s fingers moved the suture needle so quickly it was all but invisible. He’d moved to the back of her head, on the left now. There were so many wounds. His voice was even but heavy. 

“It’s your decision, Edward, either way.” Life or death or half life, my decision. But was life even in my power? I’d never been that strong.

“I can’t help you,” he apologized. “I have to get this bleeding stopped here and find the bleed in her chest, if you’re going to be taking blood from her hand.” 

Eva thrashed as a new wave of pain rocked her, kicking her feet, trying to arch away from her sickeningly incorrect arm. The piece of glass in her chest oozed more blood as her writhing began to dislodge it.

“Edward!” she screamed. Her violently reddened eyes snapped open, and this time they focused sharply, boring into my own. Imploring, beseeching. Eva was burning. 

“Alice!” Carlisle snapped. “Get me something to brace her arm! Eva you have to hold your chest still--!” Alice darted out of my peripheral vision, and I could hear her ripping boards up from the floor and snapping them into usable sizes. Carlisle was now hunched over the glass in her chest, digging his fingers into the wound. Eva made a horrible gargling, keening sound, Carlisle throwing the glass shard to the side. 

“Edward!” Carlisle’s voice had lost its control. Pain bled through. Pain for me, pain for Eva. 

“You must do it now, or it will be too late. Alice, give me something to pack the wound--” 

Eva’s eyes begged, desperate for relief. Eva was burning, and I was exactly the wrong person to save her. Absolutely and literally the worst person in the entire universe for this task. 

But I was the only one here to do it. 

You have to do this, I ordered myself. There is no other way. You cannot fail. 

I grasped her limp hand, smoothing her clenched fingers and holding them still. I stopped breathing and bent to press my mouth to her hand. The skin on the edges of the wound was already cooler than the rest of her hand. Changing. Hardening. 

I sealed my lips around the small gash, closed my eyes, and then began. It was only a trickle of blood—the venom had already begun healing the wound. Just a few drops to start with. Barely enough to wet my tongue. 

It hit me like an explosion. 

A bomb detonating inside my body and mind. The first time I’d caught Eva’s scent, I thought I’d be undone. 

That was a paper cut. 

This was a decapitation. 

My brain was severed from my body. But it wasn’t pain. Eva’s blood was the opposite of pain. It erased every burn I’d ever suffered. And it was so much more than just the absence of pain. It was satisfaction, it was bliss. I felt suffused with a strange kind of joy—a joy of the body alone. I was healed and alive, every nerve ending thrumming with contentment. 

As I pulled from the wound, it reversed the effects of the venom. The blood started to flow steadily, coating my tongue, my throat. The sharp, icy taste of the venom was a weak counterpoint. It did nothing to interfere with the power of her blood. 

Rapture. Elation. My body knew well that there was more to be had, close at hand. More, it hummed, _more_. 

But my body couldn’t move. I’d forced it motionless and I kept it so. I could hardly think to know why, but I refused to release my hold. I had to think. I had to stop feeling and think. 

There was something outside the bliss. Pain, there was pain that the pleasure couldn’t reach. Pain that was both outside and inside my mind. The pain was high-pitched and dissonant. It swelled into a crescendo. 

Eva was screaming. I reached out mentally for something to hold on to, and found a life ring waiting. 

_Yes, Edward. You can do this. See? You are going to save her._

Alice showed me a thousand glimpses of the future. 

Eva smiling, Eva laughing, Eva reaching for my hand, Eva holding her arms open for me, Eva staring into my eyes with fascination, Eva walking next to me at school, Eva sitting beside me in her truck, Eva sleeping in my arms, Eva pressing her hand against my cheek, Eva holding my face and pressing her lips carefully against mine, Eva exhaling my name so sweetly as we connected in ways I couldn’t yet conceive, Eva telling me she loved me. 

A thousand different scenes with Eva, healthy and whole, alive and happy, and _with me._

The bliss, the physical joy, dimmed. 

The taste of venom was strong. It was still too soon. 

_I will show you when,_

Alice promised. But I felt myself careening past the place where I could stop. I was losing myself. I was going to kill her, my body thrilling with joy the entire time. 

Eva’s screaming quieted, loosening my connection to the pain I needed to feel. She whimpered a few times, and then sighed. I was going to kill her. 

“Edward?” she whispered. 

“He’s right here, Eva,” Alice soothed. 

Right here killing you. 

I was barely aware of anything else. Sound faded, the light seemed dim behind my lids, there was nothing else really, just the blood. Even Alice’s thoughts, nearly screaming at me, felt muted and far away. 

_It’s time,_ Alice told me. 

_Now, Edward._

Through my near-total absorption, I could taste that. The icy sting was gone. A new chemical flavor took its place, however, and some piece of me realized that Carlisle had been working fast. 

_Stop, Edward! Now!_

But Alice could see I was lost. I could hear her wondering frantically if she could pull me off Eva, or if that fight would just injure Eva more. 

“Edward,” Eva sighed, peaceful now. “Don’t...leave…” Her quiet voice slid into my head, somehow stronger than Alice’s panic, louder than all the chaos inside and around me. 

The sound of her confidence was a key turning; it seemed to reconnect my brain to my body. It made me whole again. And I simply let her hand fall away from my lips. 

I raised my head and looked at her face. Still spattered with blood, still ashy, eyes closed, but calm now. Her pain was eased. 

“Never...,” I promised her through bloodstained lips. Her mouth twitched into a frail smile. 

“Is it all out?” Carlisle asked. He worried he’d been too quick with the painkiller, that it might be covering the venom burn. But Alice had seen it would be fine. 

“Her blood tastes clean.” The sound of my voice was rough, grating. “I can taste the morphine.” 

“Eva?” Carlisle asked in a low, clear voice. 

“Mmmmm?” was her response. 

“Is the fire gone?” 

“Yes,” she breathed, a little clearer now. “Thank you, Edward.” 

“I love you.” 

She sighed, eyes still closed. 

“I know.” 

The chuckle that bubbled up from my chest surprised me. I had her blood on my tongue. It was probably tinting the edges of my irises red even now. It was drying into my clothes and dyeing my skin. But she could still make me laugh. 

“Eva?” Carlisle asked again. 

Her expression was testy now. She looked half-asleep and impatient to find the other half, but she tipped her head back to look at him.

“I need you to stay conscious for just a little longer for me, can you do that?”

She gave a tiny, weak nod. 

“Alice?” Eva struggled to open her eyes, and then quit, but her words were as urgent as she could make them in her condition. 

“Alice,...the video...he knew you, Alice, he knew where you... came from.… I smell gasoline?” She was still wheezing. 

Emmett and Jasper were back from siphoning the accelerant we needed. The sirens still wailed in the distance, but from another direction now. They weren’t going to find us. With a somber expression, Alice flitted across the cold stone floor to the media center by a broken pillar. 

She picked up the small handheld video recorder that was still running. She switched it off. 

In the instant she decided to retrieve the camera, hundreds of future fragments flashed through her mind—images of this room, of Eva, of the tracker, of the blood. 

It was everything she would see when she played back the recording, too fast and disordered for either of us to absorb much. Her eyes flashed to mine. We’ll deal with this later. We have a hundred things to do now to make sense of this nightmare. 

I could tell she was purposely directing her thoughts away from the camera as she ran through the rather involved chores we now must accomplish, but I didn’t push. Later. 

“It’s time to move her,” Carlisle said. The smell of the gasoline Emmett and Jasper were applying to the walls was becoming overwhelming. 

We lifted her gently, and Carlisle placed her into my arms. I carried her to the car, trying so hard not to jostle her as I climbed into the back seat, cradling her as carefully as I could. I watched her brows flicker, more tears beginning to smear the blood on her face. Carlisle placed a BVM, hooked up to his car, over her nose and mouth, pressing it down to make a tight seal.

“I wan...to sleep.” She sounded so broken. So small.

“You can sleep, sweetheart,” I crooned in her ear. 

“I’ll hold you.” Her arm was wrapped tightly inside Alice’s floorboard splint, and Carlisle had found time to tape her ribs. Moving more carefully than I ever had before, I kissed her forehead. “Sleep now, Eva,” I whispered.


	2. Three Conversations

DR. SADARANGANI, CARLISLE’S FRIEND, DID MAKE THINGS SMOOTHER. Carlisle had him paged while they were still bringing a gurney for Eva. It only took minutes for Dr. Sadarangani to get Eva started on her first transfusion. Once she was receiving blood, Carlisle relaxed. He was fairly sure that everything else was in order.

It was not so easy for me to be calm. Of course I trusted Carlisle, and Dr. Sadarangani seemed competent. I could read their honest judgment of her status. I heard the wonder of Dr. Sadarangani and the doctors on his team when they inspected the perfect suturing of Eva’s wounds, the impeccable setting of her arm in the field. Blood transfusions, I.V. fluids, an intubation tube pressed deep into her throat. They worked quickly, keeping an eye on her condition as she was stabilized. 

But this wasn’t life or death for either of them the way it was for me. That was  _ my _ life on the gurney. My life, pale and unresponsive, covered in tubes and tape and plaster. I kept myself together as best I could.

As the attending physician, Dr. Sadarangani had made the first call to Kain, which was painful to listen to. Carlisle quickly took over for him and explained the fictional version of what he and I were doing here as succinctly as possible, assured Kain that everything was going well, and promised to call soon with more information. I could hear the panic in Kain’s voice and was sure that he was no more persuaded than I. My family had collected outside the room, waiting calmly in the waiting lobby or coming to peek into the room. Alice was frustrated, thousands of futures branched off from here now, flickering in and out of existence, there were too many possibilities to narrow it down. I felt her worry, her anxiety, even as Jasper pressed out a nullifying wave of calm.

They were examining her jaw and discussing next steps when I heard it.I would never forget that sound for as long as I lived, as I existed.

A flatline alarmed in one long, slow sound from her heart monitor. 

The panic was immediate, the code called as Carlisle and Dr. Sadarangani called orders at the attendants.

I stood, detached from my body, staring at the corpse of the love of my life. Only feet away.

My father threw away caution, searching her head to toe slightly too fast to find the cause of her flatline, the other Doctor only able to get out of his way. I could hear his mind, he was on a time limit. 

“It’s a tension Pneumothorax! Her lung is collapsed again- the air is putting pressure on her heart- I need a Large-bore needle stat!” 

He grabbed it as soon as an attendant was near enough, all I could hear in his mind was next steps, compressions. I saw my face through his eyes, a memory, when I’d first brought Eva home to meet them, the joy, the pride, the hope in my face, the protective fire in her own when she looked at me.

I was a ghost, drifting to be beside her, taking her hand in my own.

I was now aware of my family's reaction behind the glass as once again Carlisle punctured her chest and released the air that had become trapped there. A nurse pushed Amiodarone into her IV as Carlisle began chest compressions. One, two, three…

My mother had gasped in horror, pain, covering her mouth and turning away. Emmett embraced her, his mind repeating the same phrase over and over as he stared through the glass, he truly loved her like a sister already.

_ Come on Eva- fight back! Fight back! _

Alice was being held tightly by Jasper, tearless sobs choking in her chest as she watched her best friend die. Her visions were failing her, it was 50/50 now, too close to tell how this would end up. Jasper was gritting his teeth, anguished for her, anguished for Eva, anguished for  _ me. _

All I could hear outside of that was my fathers rhythmic pulses into her chest, the flatline on the monitor. He was desperate, something I hadn’t seen in a long time, chanting out loud.

“Come on, Eva, Come on-”

One. 

Two. 

Three. 

My voice came out, unrecognisable, staring at her battered face, I felt like I was turning to ash. I leaned down, squeezing her hand and pressing it to the center of my chest, begging her to take my sluggish, damned heartbeat instead.

“You promised, Eva, you promised! Come back to me baby, please- please-” I knew I was sobbing again, but it sounded so far away. 

I was going to lose my life today. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. My fragile, soft, wild eyed and beautiful little flame was extinguished. 

I should have known.

There was a new sound. A small chirp. Carlisle almost yelled in response, still doing compressions.

A hiccup.

A weak shudder.

And then a familiar beep.

“Give me the paddles!”

I sunk to my knees as I watched her heart monitor, a pulse now visible, weak, but there. There was a riotous movement around me again, as more preparations were done to continue that pulse. Her body convulsed as electricity was pumped through it, an attempt to stabilize the erratic and weak fluttering of her heart, which finally, finally settled into an even rhythm.

I heard Carlisle, actually panting, release a small, strained, laugh of relief. He leaned over the table, relief an all consuming wave over his frame. Reaching out, he stroked Eva's forehead gently and leaned forward to press a kiss to it, whispering.

“Good girl, Eva, thank you, thank you…”

I was nearly entirely focused on her pulse, thudding again in my head, her hand twitching in my own. Her breath was shallow. 

One full minute. 

64 seconds. 

My life had ended for 64 seconds. 

All I could do now, was stare at my beloved flame, no one would put her out until she said so. 

She was medicated, stabilized, and I never left her side, I didn’t hear anyone try to remove me, tucked by her head, stroking her hair back out of her face, kissing her fingers.

The new blood pulsing through Eva’s body altered her scent in a way I should have anticipated, but it took me by surprise. While I was aware of a significant lessening of my thirst-pain, I didn’t enjoy the change. This strange blood seemed an interloper, alien. It wasn’t part of her and I resented the intrusion, irrational as that was. Her scent would begin to return in just twenty-four hours, before she’d even woken up. But she would not entirely replace that which was lost for many weeks. Regardless, this brief distortion was too strong a reminder that, at some point in the future, the scent that had compelled me for so long would be lost to me forever.

Everything had been done that could be done. Now there was nothing left but the waiting.

During the interminable lull, there were few things that could hold my attention. I stared through the east-facing window at a busy road and a few modest skyscrapers. I listened to the steady beat of her heart to stay sane.

A few conversations, however, had some significance for me.

Carlisle waited until he was in Eva’s room with me to call Kain again. He knew I would want to listen.

“Hello, Kain.”

“Carlisle? What’s happening?”

“She’s had a transfusion and an MRI. Things look very good so far. It doesn’t appear there are any internal injuries we missed once we managed her lung.”

“Can I talk to her?”

“They’re keeping her sedated for a while. It’s perfectly normal. She would be in too much pain if she were awake.” I winced while Carlisle continued. “She needs to heal for a few days.”

“Are you  _ sure _ everything is okay?”

“I promise you, Kain. I will tell you the moment there is something to worry about. She really is going to be fine. She’ll be in a cast, and need some help moving for a while, but other than that, she’ll be back to normal.”

“Thank you, Carlisle. I’m so glad you were there.”

“So am I.”

“I know this must be putting you out—”

“Don’t even mention it, Kain. I’m only too happy to stay with Eva till she’s ready to come home.”

“I’ll admit, that does make me feel a lot better. Will… will Edward be staying, too?…”

“Yes, he’s with her now, she took the brunt of the injuries.”

“Eva’s such a safe driver! I still don’t understand why she would have swerved like that, I’m coming back from Florida, and my Mom is also going to be coming too.”

“I’m so sorry, Kain. If we hadn’t decided to stay, she wouldn’t have been driving.”

“Aw hell, If you weren’t there, she could have gotten run over by an elephant or hit by a train with her luck. And she wouldn’t have been so lucky if you weren’t close by.”

“I’m just happy she’s safe.”

“It’s killing me not to be there, my flight leaves in about thirty minutes, I’ll see you all soon, please keep her heart beating.”

“I absolutely will.”

“I wouldn’t be able to stay in my right mind if you weren’t there. So thank you again.”

“Of course Kain, I’ll make sure your baby sister comes home safe and sound.”

Carlisle only sat with me a few moments after he disconnected. It was always difficult for him to sit still inside a hospital full of suffering humans. It should have made me feel better that he had no concerns about leaving Eva now. It didn’t.

The next significant thing to happen was the arrival of Eva’s mother. It was nearly midnight when Alice let me know that her mother would be in Eva’s room in fifteen minutes.

I tried to clean myself up a little in the attached bathroom. Alice had brought us the new clothes, so I wasn’t looking macabre, at least. Fortunately, by the time I’d thought to check, my eyes were back to normal, a dark ocher. Not that a small ring of red would have been so noticeable with everything else that was going on; I just didn’t want to see it myself.

Done with that, I went back to brooding. I wondered if Eva’s mother would hold me more responsible than her father had. If either of them had known the real story…

My wallowing was abruptly interrupted by something unexpected. Something I’d never heard before, which was rare indeed: a voice so clear and strong that for a second I thought someone had come in the room without my noticing.

_ My daughter. Please, someone. Where do I go? My baby… _

My next thought was that someone was shouting or screaming in the hospital lobby downstairs—as that seemed to be the location of the voice, now that I was concentrating—but no one had noticed a ruckus.

However, they had all noticed something else.

A woman, maybe thirty, maybe older. Deep brown skin, radiant and flushed red. Afro hair pulled back into a tight bun on the back of her head. Pretty, but visibly distraught. Her distress was eye-catching, conspicuous, as she stepped hurriedly through the lobby, looking for something on the signs. Several orderlies and two nurses with places to be paused to see what she needed.

It was obviously Eva’s mother. I’d seen her in Kain’s mind, and she bore a striking resemblance to her daughter. I’d thought Kain’s memory was of her mother as a younger woman, but it could also have been more current. She hadn’t aged much. I guessed that she and Eva would often be mistaken for sisters.

_ “I’m looking for my daughter. She came in yesterday. She was in an accident. Her heart stopped.…” _

her mother’s physical voice was perfectly normal, similar to but a little deeper pitched than Eva’s own. Her mental voice, however, was piercing.

It was fascinating to watch how the other minds responded. No one seemed to notice the ringing mental broadcast, yet everyone was compelled to help her. Somehow, they were picking up on her need, and unable to ignore it. I listened, mesmerized by the interplay between her mind and theirs. An orderly and a nurse led her through the halls, towing her small bag for her, anxious to help.

I remembered my earlier speculations about Eva’s mother—my curiosity to understand what kind of mind had been combined with her fathers to make children as unique as Kain and as distinct and unusual as Eva.

With her redundant number of guides, it didn’t take her mother long to find Eva’s room. She picked up another escort on her way: Eva’s assigned RN, who was immediately drawn to her mother’s urgency.

For a moment, I imagined her mother as a vampire. Would her thoughts shout audibly at everyone, inescapable? I couldn’t imagine that she would be very popular. I was surprised to find myself smiling at the thought—well and truly distracted.

her mother hurried into the room, dropping her bag at the door, the RN close beside her. At first her mother didn’t notice me leaning against the window, her eyes only for her daughter. Eva lay unmoving, the bruises just starting to bloom across her face. Her head was wrapped in gauze—though Carlisle had managed to keep them from shaving her hair—and there were tubes and monitors hooked to her everywhere. Her broken arm was casted from her knuckles to her elbow, and elevated on a contoured foam support.

_ Eva, oh baby, look at you. Oh no. _

Another similarity to Eva—her mother’s blood was sweet. Not in the same way as Eva’s. her mother’s was  _ too _ sweet, almost cloying. It was an interesting, if not entirely appealing, fragrance. I’d never noticed anything unusual about Kain’s scent, but whatever her father had combined with her mother in a way specifically in Eva to make something potent.

“She’s sedated,” the RN said quickly as her mother approached the bed, hands outstretched. “She’ll be out for a bit, but you’ll be able to talk to her in a few days.”

“Can I touch her?” It was a whisper and a shout.

“Sure, you can pat her arm right there if you like, just be gentle.”

Her mother stood by her daughter and rested two fingers lightly against Eva’s bicep. Tears started to cascade down her mother’s cheeks, but her face was so still, stoic, unmoving. I realised now that it wasn’t just her mental voice that called attention to her, but the way the woman carried herself. Her eyes were a whirling deep cocoa brown, deeper and flecked with almost copper. Her features were just as striking as Eva’s though, intense and vibrant. The woman was exuding power, authority, calm.

_ I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry. _

The RN rest a hand on her mothers arm, patting it gently.

“She’ll be asleep for a while, ma’am. You must be exhausted. Your daughter’s not going anywhere and she’s not doing any tricks, either. Why don’t you try to get some sleep, I can’t imagine flying in from Hawaii on such short notice.”

Her mother let herself be led toward the blue vinyl recliner in the corner of the room.

“Do you need anything? We’ve got some toiletries at the counter if you want to freshen up,” the nurse offered. She was a grandmotherly type, with long gray hair rolled into a bun on top of her head. Her nametag said “Gloria.” I’d met her earlier and not noticed her much, but I found myself feeling fondly toward her now. Was that for her kindness, or was I reacting to her mother’s appreciation? What a strange thing it was, being near someone who projected—apparently totally unconsciously—her thoughts this way. I supposed it was a little like Jasper, though much more heavy handed. And it wasn’t emotional projection, it was definitely her thoughts. Only I was aware I was hearing them.

This gave new dimension to what Eva’s life with her mother must have been. No wonder she had become so protective, so intense, so fiery and mature to keep her and her older brother moving. With this woman as a role model, Eva’s passion made sense now.

“I’ve got my things.” her mother nodded tiredly to the small suitcase in the doorway.

I was feeling a bit like an elephant in the room. Neither of them had noticed me yet, though I was quite obvious. The lights were dimmed for nighttime, but still bright enough for the nurses to do their work.

I decided to announce my presence.

“Let me get that for you.”

I moved quickly to place her bag on a small counter convenient to the recliner.

Like Kain’s, her mother’s first reaction was a sudden spike of fear and adrenaline. She shook that off quickly, assuming she was just overtired and my unexpected movement had startled her.

_ I’m so jumpy. But who could this be? Um, hmm. Is this the pretty doctor? He looks too young. _

“Oh, hey there, son,” Gloria said, a little disapproving. She’d had time to grow used to both Carlisle and me. “I thought you’d gone home.”

“My father asked me to keep an eye on Eva while he’s helping Dr. Sadarangani. He left me some specific things he wanted watched.” I’d used the same excuse several times today. I’d said it with confidence, and the nurses had let their objections slide.

“Are they still at it? They’re going to fall asleep standing up.”

Of course, Dr. Sadarangani had long ago headed home. But he’d introduced Carlisle to the hematologist on the night shift, and Carlisle was off consulting on some of the more difficult cases.

Eva’s mother was broadcasting her confusion. Gloria jumped in to make the introductions.

“This is Dr. Cullen’s son. Dr. Cullen is the one who saved your daughter’s life.”

“You’re Edward,” her mother realized.

This  _ is the boyfriend? Oh boy. Eva finally may have met her match. _

“I only have the one recliner, honey,” Gloria said, “and I think Mrs. Lautrec needs it more than you.”

“Of course. I slept earlier. I’m perfectly comfortable standing.”

“It’s very late.…”

_ I want to talk to him. _

“It’s fine,” her mother said out loud. “I’d like to hear about the accident. We’ll be  _ very _ quiet.”

I wanted to laugh at that.

“Of course. I’ll just do my rounds and check in later on. Try to get some rest, ma’am.”

I smiled as warmly as I could at the woman, and she softened a little.

_ Poor kid. He’s really worried. Won’t hurt anything if he stays, especially with the mom here. _

I walked over to her mother and held my hand out. She shook it weakly without standing, exhausted. She recoiled slightly from the chill; an echo of her earlier adrenaline rush washed through her.

“Oh, sorry, the AC is freezing in here. I’m Edward Cullen. I’m very glad to meet you, Mrs. Lautrec, I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

_ He sounds very mature. _

The room resonated with her approval.

“Call me Charlotte,” she said automatically. “I… I’m sorry, I’m not really myself.”

_ My, but he’s handsome. _

“Of course you’re not. You should rest, as the nurse said.”

“No,” her mother objected quietly—in her physical voice, at least. “Do you mind talking with me for just a minute?”

“Of course not,” I answered. “I’m sure you have a thousand questions.”

I picked up the molded plastic chair from beside Eva’s bed and moved it closer to her mother.

“She didn’t tell me about you,” she announced. Her thoughts rang with hurt and frustration.

“I… I’m sorry. We haven’t been… dating for very long.”

Charlotte nodded, and then sighed. “I think it’s my fault. Things have been stressful with Andrew and I out of the country, I’ve been so busy travelling, I hadn’t expected…” She looked to Eva again, somber.

“I’m sure she would have told you soon.” And then, in the face of her self-doubt, I lied. “I didn’t tell my parents for a bit, either. I think neither of us wanted to jinx things by speaking too soon. It’s a little silly.”

her mother smiled.  _ That’s sweet. _ “It’s not silly.”

I smiled back.

_ What a heartbreaking smile. He better not be stringing her along. _

I found myself stumbling to reassure her, her judgement felt terribly important to me for some reason. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I feel horribly responsible and I’d do anything to make it right. If I could trade places with her, I’d do it.” Nothing but the truth there.

She reached out to pat my arm. I was glad the sleeve was thick enough to conceal my skin’s temperature. “It’s not your fault, Edward.”

I wished she were right.

“Kain told me some of the story, but he was pretty confused,” she said.

“I think we all were. Eva, too.” I thought of that day, so innocent to begin with, all calm, almost dull. How quickly everything had combusted.

“Did you want to hear about the accident?”

“No, I just said that to the nurse. Eva just managed to be clumsy with a bloody car this time.” It was amazing how easily both of her parents accepted the story. “I don’t think I could hear the grisly details, I already hate that this happened to her away from me.”  _ Again. _

I watched as memories of her getting frantic calls at work about Eva flashed through her head, some school injuries, some home injuries, and, though I shouldn’t have been surprised, several fights.

_ Several  _ fights. Always because someone was picking on her older brother or friends.

“I just wanted to get to know you a little. Eva wouldn’t be acting this way if her feelings were mild. She’s never cared this seriously about anyone before. I’m not sure she knows what to do.”

I smiled at her again. “She and I both.”

_ Sure, handsome _ , she thought doubtfully.  _ He’s very smooth. _

“Be gentle with my baby,” she ordered, more forceful. “She feels things very deeply. And she’s stubborn as all hell, she’s not for the faint of heart.” I heard pride burst in her thoughts as she said this, under the commanding tone.

“I promise you I will never do anything to hurt her.” I said the words, and I meant them in the strongest way—I would give anything to keep Eva happy and safe—but I wasn’t sure they were true. Because what would hurt Eva the most? I couldn’t escape the truest answer.

Pomegranate seeds and my underworld. Hadn’t I just witnessed a brutal example of how badly my world could go wrong for her? And she was lying here broken because of it.

Surely, keeping her with me would be the greatest hurt possible.

_ Hmm, he thinks he means it. Well, should he break Eva’s heart, he’ll certainly get what’s coming. At least he seems to know that, too. Still, if Evie does love him...how will she take a breakup like...this?  _

“You should sleep. It’s very late.” I could hear how distorted with pain my voice had become, but she didn’t know my voice that well.

She nodded, eyes drooping. “Wake me if she needs anything?”

“Yes, I will.”

She nestled into her uncomfortable chair and was quickly unconscious.

I moved my chair back to Eva’s side. It was strange to see her so still in sleep. I wished more than anything that she would start mumbling something from her dreams. I wondered whether I was there with her, in the dark. I didn’t know if it was right to hope that I was.

While I listened to mother and daughter breathe, I thought about Alice for the first time since she’d left me here alone. It was unlike her to give me this much space, no matter how desperate my mental state. I realized I’d been expecting her to check on Eva and me for some time now. And I could only guess one reason why she had avoided me instead.

I’d had plenty of time to process the events of the day, but I  _ hadn’t _ . I’d just stared at Eva and wished fruitlessly that I’d been more, that I’d been better. That I’d found the right thing and stuck to it before this nightmare could have touched her.

Now I realized there was something more I had to do. I knew it would be painful, but also that it would not be painful  _ enough _ . I deserved worse. I didn’t want to leave Eva, but this wasn’t the place. I would call Alice. I wasn’t sure where she had gone to hide from me.

I stepped out into the hall—much to the interest of two nurses, who had wondered whether I would ever leave the room—and before I could reach for my phone I heard Alice’s thoughts coming up the stairs. I walked out to meet her just inside the stairwell doors.

She was carrying something in her hands, something small and black and wrapped in thin cords, and she held it as though she wished she could crush her hands together to destroy it. Part of me was surprised she hadn’t.

_ I’ve had this argument with you over three hundred times, but I could never convince you. _

“No, you can’t. I need to see this.”

_ Agree to disagree. But here.  _ She shoved the camera toward me, and I could see she was happy to be rid of it. I took it unwillingly. It felt dark and wrong in my hand.  _ Go somewhere you can be alone. _

I nodded. It was good advice.

_ I’ll keep an eye on Eva. It’s not necessary, but I know it will make you feel better. _

“Thank you.”

Alice darted out of the stairwell.

I wandered the halls, which were quiet this late, but not unoccupied. I thought of ducking into a vacant patient room, but that didn’t feel secluded enough. I made my way to the lobby and exited to the grounds. This felt more alone, but I could still see the odd security officer making rounds. As long as I walked with purpose, they didn’t mind me, but if I were to linger, I was sure they would come question me.

I searched for a bubble of empty space, and was relieved to find an area devoid of human thoughts just across the large circular drive.

It seemed ironic that the deserted building was the campus chapel, lit and unlocked, despite the hour. I knew the place would have comforted Carlisle, but I was fairly sure nothing could help me now.

From the inside, I couldn’t find a way to lock the door, so I went to the very front of the room, as far from that door as possible. There were wooden folding chairs instead of pews. I pulled one against the wall, in the shadow of the organ. The dim light from the stained glass windows glinted down on me, and all I could think about was the gaping hole in Evas chest.

Alice had left me with headphones. I put them in my ears.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Once I saw this, I would have it in my head forever. There would never be a release from it. That seemed fair. Eva had lived it. I would only have to watch.

I opened my eyes and powered the camera on. The replay screen was just two inches across. I didn’t know whether to be grateful for that, or if I deserved to see it on a much larger scale.

The video began on a close-up of the tracker’s face. Jace—the name was too benign for what he was. He smiled at me, and I knew that this was what he wanted—to smile at  _ me _ . This was all for me. What followed would be a conversation between the two of us. One-sided, but for all that would happen, Eva would never be the object. I was.

“Hello,” he said in a pleasant tone. “Welcome to the show. I hope you enjoy what I’ve prepared for you. I’m sorry that it’s a little rushed, a little thrown together. You really had me going there for a moment. Before the curtain goes up, so to speak, I’d like to remind you that this is really your own fault. If you’d stayed out of my way, it would have been quick. This is more fun, though, isn’t it? Again, enjoy!”

The video cut to black, and then a new “scene” began. I recognized the angle of the camera. It was in place on top of the broken pillar, pointed across the long room at the Altar. The tracker was just leaning away. His speed, as he darted to the far-right side of the shot, was almost invisible to the camera—only a disjointed flicker was recorded. 

Eva was lain out on the Altar, bruised and bleeding from the original car accident, unconscious. I watched her twitch, come to life, her head turning as she started to wake.

“Ah, wonderful, you’re finally awake!”

  
  


His voice startled her, and she bolted upright. As she did she winced and coughed, grabbing at her chest. She frantically looked around, then focused her eyes on Jace, her horrified expression shifting to determination.

He approached, and I had to loosen my fingers. It was too soon to crush the recorder. “I will give your strange coven this much, you humans can be quite interesting. I guess I can see the draw of observing you. It’s amazing— to go so far to keep one single human alive.”

He leaned toward her as though he was expecting an answer, but she stayed silent. Her eyes were opaque, giving nothing away.

“I suppose you’re going to tell me that your boyfriend will avenge you?” he asked, his voice taunting. The taunt was not for her.

"I fucking hope not.” She groaned it at him, annoyance in her features, grimacing at him.

“I told him not to.”

“And what was his reply to that?”

"I didn’t let him say otherwise. Forced him to promise.”

_ “We live for eachother, alright? Whatever happens, we fight as hard as we can to stay alive. No going out in a blaze of glory-- promise me!”  _ Her voice had been so firm, so commanding.

Her manner was almost casual. This seemed to bother the tracker, because his voice was sharper now, his tone twisting into something ominous.

“How romantic.” The sarcasm was palpable. “A final wish. And do you think he will honor it?”

Her eyes were still impossible to read, but her face was calm as she said, “I hope so.”

“Hmmm. Well, our hopes differ, then.” His voice turned sour. Eva’s composure was disrupting the scene he had planned. “ You see, this was all much too interesting for it to end here, I’m not ready for this to be over. You’ve just been too fun to chase.”

Eva’s expression was patient now, like a parent who knows that her toddler’s story is going to be long and rambling but is determined to humor him anyway.

The tracker’s voice grew harder in response. “When Victoria couldn’t get to your brother, I had her find out more about you. There was no sense in running all over the planet chasing you down when I could  do some research first. So, after I talked to Victoria, I decided to trace some of your footsteps. First I found that cathedral you belonged to as a child.” 

The tracker kept going, working to keep his words slow and smug, but I could feel the undercurrent of his frustration. He started talking faster. Eva didn’t react. She waited, patient and polite. It was obvious this rattled him.

I’d thought little about how the tracker had captured Eva—there hadn’t been time for anything besides action—but this all made sense. None of it surprised me. I winced a little when I realized our convergence in New Orleans had been the trigger for his last move. But it was only one of a thousand mistakes on my conscience.

He was wrapping up his monologue—I wondered whether he thought I would be impressed?—and I tried to brace myself for what would follow.

“The setting was too perfect, I had the scene set there. But you were still managing to evade me. I heard you say you were going home. At first, I never dreamed you meant it. But then I wondered.

Humans can be very predictable; they like to be somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. And wouldn't it be the perfect ploy, to go to the last place you should be when you're hiding — the place that you said you'd be.

"But of course I wasn't sure, it was just a hunch. I usually get a feeling about the prey that I'm hunting, a sixth sense, if you will. I was rather upset when I found your mothers home up for sale, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling you were near.”

"Then your coven suddenly returned without you- or your precious boyfriend. Victoria was monitoring them for me, naturally; in a game with this many players, I couldn't be working alone. And after that, oh you nearly lost me! I was getting so frustrated, jumping all over the country following after one pair and then another, you’re very tricky!”

He laughed a little bitterly, wildly.

“I just needed one little tip, one little hint. And when Victoria told me the blonde and the big guy were headed to Baton Rouge, just as your leader and his mate were booking tickets to the same place, they told me exactly what I needed to hear. I followed your little group from the airport. Good choice by the way, New Orleans? A beautiful city, historic, a lovely place to die. Then all I needed to do was find a new setting, and get you away from your friends, I couldn’t figure anything out at first, they had you so well guarded.”

I watched Eva’s eyes flicker with something as she shifted in pain, something I didn’t recognize.

“Then you were on the road, and it hit me. Well, your car, hit me. Victoria was indispensable, managing to grab you and get away so quickly, I had to help keep your family distracted, it’s not like they could just get out of their wreck while the sun was still up. I’m glad it wasn’t too early in the afternoon however, I’m still hoping he catches up. It’s, Edward, correct?”

It was a silly thing, to pretend he’d forgotten my name. He couldn’t forget it any more than I would ever forget his.

Eva didn’t answer him. She was looking a little confused now. As though she didn’t understand the point. She didn’t realize the show wasn’t for her.

“Would you mind, very much, if I left a little letter of my own for your Edward?”

The tracker walked backward until he was out of the frame. The picture suddenly zoomed tight on only Eva’s face.

Her expression was perfectly clear to me. She was starting to realize. She’d known he was going to kill her. She had never considered that he would torture her first. Panic touched her eyes for the first time since she’d come to.

My own fear and horror grew with hers. How would I survive this? I didn’t know. But she had, so I must.

When the tracker was sure I’d had time to absorb her dawning fear, he widened the frame again, turning the angle slightly so that I could now see the full effect of the glowing golden stained glass windows looming behind her.

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t think he’ll be able to resist hunting me after he watches this.” He was satisfied again with his production. Eva’s terror was the drama he’d been waiting for, expecting. “And I wouldn’t want him to miss anything. It was all for him, of course. You’re simply a human, who unfortunately was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and indisputably running with the wrong crowd, I might add.”

He stepped into frame again, moving closer to her. “Before we begin…”

Eva’s lips were white.

“I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit.” His eyes met mine in the frame. “The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me.”

Alice had shown me the way to make the tracker lose interest. He didn’t realize that I’d rejected the idea. He would never have understood why.

He began another monologue, and though I recognized that his need to gloat was the reason Eva had survived long enough for us to get there, I was still grinding my teeth in frustration until he said the words  _ little friend _ , and I realized this was something more. This was what Eva had tried to tell us.  _ Alice, the video—he knew you, Alice, he knew where you came from. _

“… She didn’t even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature,” the tracker was explaining. “She’d been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen twenties, it was the asylum and the shock treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she’d never seen the sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then. I destroyed the old one in vengeance.”

“Alice,” Eva breathed. The revelation didn’t bring any color back into her face. Her lips were ever so faintly green now. Would she pass out? I found myself hoping there would be a break, a moment of escape, even though I knew it couldn’t last.

There was a lot to think about here, and at some point I would want to know what Alice felt, but not now. Not now.

“Yes, your little friend. I  _ was _ surprised to see her in the clearing.” He made eye contact with me again. “So I guess her coven ought to be able to derive some comfort from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honor, actually.

“And she did smell so delicious. I still regret that I never got to taste… She smelled even better than you do. Sorry—I don’t mean to be offensive. You have a very nice smell. Floral, somehow…”

He walked closer and closer until he was looming over her, then reached out with one hand, and I nearly crushed the camera again. He didn’t hurt her yet, he just played with a strand of her hair, drawing out her dread. Milking it.

I slid out of the chair, to the ground, and put the camera on the floor beside me. I clenched my fists tightly together. It was good I had done this. Next the tracker reached out to softly stroke her cheek, and I wondered if I would break my hands.

“No, I don’t understand,” the tracker concluded. “Well, I suppose we should get on with it.” He looked at me again, the hint of a smile on his lips. He wanted me to see that he was eager, that he was going to enjoy this. “And then I can call your friends and tell them where to find you, and my little message.”

I saw Eva take a shaky, deep breath, and was surprised when her eyes met mine in the frame.

“Edward, I’m keeping my promise. Whatever you do, don’t watch this.”

I shook slightly, my heart dropping. I knew she would be furious with me, but I couldn’t stop watching now. Even with the firmness in her eyes. 

She had kept her promise.

The tracker laughed at her show of bravery, and her eyes flashed to him sharply, her hand raising to her chest as she sneered.

"And you, jesus it’s obvious no one’s ever told you to shut the fuck up.”

I watched in awe as she suddenly rolled backwards, pulling something out of her bra. I recognized her cellphone. This was what I’d seen in Alice’s vision. I didn’t have long to be impressed with her, the tracker was already over the Altar, furious.

He snarled and shattered her phone, I couldn’t see Eva behind the Altar now, but she lurched from her position to standing, making it about a quarter of a second before he gripped the end of her hair and yanked her off balance. 

I held back a snarl as he caught her to shove her prone onto her knees, standing over her, leering as he reached down to grip her hair more at the root, facing her to the camera as she struggled vainly.

“I’ll make sure to take my time with this, and don’t worry, I’ll be careful not to rip the skin, I want to savor every drop of your blood.”

He shoved her forward and grabbed her by the wrist as she swore and kicked, placing his foot on her shoulder blade and pulling her shoulder joint out of it’s socket with a sickening pop, twisting it. Eva didn’t scream, catching herself on her right arm, but she was choking on air, eyes incoherent and terrified as she held herself up. Her fingers on her dislocated arm twitched grotesquely as she attempted an army crawl away from him, teeth bared, sobbing.

I realized, she was fighting still. She wasn’t giving up. 

My hands ached with the crushing pressure of my grip, but I couldn’t relax them.

The tracker sauntered toward her, his eyes focused on her prone form.

“What a cute little attempt. I wonder what you’d look like squirming across the ground.”

I couldn’t look away, and the tracker’s foot came down hard against her left arm. I heard both snaps as her radius and her ulna gave way.

Her whole body jerked, but she grit her teeth harder, I could see the veins popping in her head as her jaw held her mouth shut desperately. She didn’t want to let him hear her scream.

She writhed, panting, and I could see that the tracker was becoming annoyed, frustrated. He’d obviously hoped for more dramatic reactions. 

He lifted her by her hair again, her tiny body dangling limply from his grip. With a flick of his wrist, her body was airborne, connecting horizontally with the back wall of the altar, one of her feet going through the stained glass and shattering it. I heard the breath leave her as she connected, and she fell to the ground with a sickening thud, and the crunch of glass.

“Come on, wouldn’t you want to tell your lover to come and avenge you?”

“You promised- Edward-!” Her voice was so quiet now, but so desperate, begging me. I heard the skin of my palm crack under the pressure. Her voice was cut off as she vomited, convulsing on the stone, blood stained the fluid as she coughed it up, sobbing.

The Tracker clicked his tongue disapprovingly, and grabbed her by the throat as she still coughed, lifting her into the air.

“What did I say about wasting your blood?” 

She gargled and rasped, and I noticed the glass punctured under her ribcage the second the tracker had.

I saw his shoulders tighten when he realized what he’d done.

Her shirt and jeans were darkening rapidly as her blood poured from the wound, down her leg and onto the floor. I was shocked that she had survived this. I could see the agony in her face, the anguish.

“Tell him what he wants to hear,” I whispered uselessly to her.

But, I knew her better than that.

“Fuck...you…” She rasped, and I felt a surge of pride and absolute terror as she pulled enough energy out of her dying body to spit directly into the trackers face, the fire behind her eyes raging, even from this distance.

His face turned feral, inhuman. 

“Quite a mouth on you, hm? Was it that your little Edward found so endearing? Well perhaps I can fix that.”

He dropped her by releasing her throat, catching her by her hair, and she gagged as he shoved his hand into her mouth, grabbing her lower jaw. I almost had to look away.

He used her hair, dislocating her jaw with a horrid grating sound, and her scream drilled into my head like icepicks through the headphones.

She went limp, her tongue hanging uselessly out of her mouth as she was unable to close it, and her eyes slid closed. He dragged her closer to the camera, and repositioned her to face it on her knees again, her head lolled forward. He lifted her dislocated hand to his mouth, grinning too wide.

An explosive crunch, a roar. A pale shape flashed so quickly through the shot that it was impossible to make it out. The tracker vanished from the scene. I saw the crimson mark of his teeth across Eva’s palm, and then her hand fell, lifeless, into the lake of blood with a quiet splash.

I watched, entirely numb, as my image on the screen sobbed and Carlisle’s worked to save her. My eyes were pulled to the bottom right corner of the shot, where every now and then, some piece of the tracker would flash through the picture. Emmett’s elbow, the back of Jasper’s head. It was impossible to create any sense of the fight from these little glimpses. Someday, I would have Emmett or Jasper remember it for me. I doubted it would soothe any of the rage I felt. Even if I  _ had _ been the one to rip the tracker apart and burn him, it wouldn’t have been enough. Nothing could make this right again.

Eventually, Alice walked toward the lens. A spasm of agony crossed her features, and I knew she was seeing a vision of the recording, and also, I was sure, a vision of me watching it now. She picked up the camera, and the screen went dark.

I reached slowly for the camera and then, just as slowly, methodically crushed it into a pile of metal and plastic dust.

When that was done, I pulled from my shirt pocket the little bottle cap I’d been carrying around with me for weeks. My token of Eva—my talisman, my silly but reassuring physical link to her.

It flashed dully in my hand for a moment, and then I pulverized it between my thumb and index finger and let the fragments of steel fall onto the remains of the camera.

I didn’t deserve any link, any claim to her at all.

I sat for a long time in the empty chapel. At one point, music started playing quietly through the speakers, but no one entered and there was no sign that anyone had noticed me here. I guessed the music was on an automatic timer. It was the adagio sostenuto from Rachmaninoff’s second piano concerto.

I listened, numb and cold, trying to remind myself that Eva was going to be alright. That I could get up now and return to her side. That Alice had seen that her eyes would open again in only thirty-six more hours. A day and a night and a day.

None of that seemed relevant now. Because it was my fault, everything she had suffered.

I stared out the high windows across from me, watching the black of night slowly give way to a pale gray sky.

And then I did something I hadn’t done in a century.

Curled there in a ball on the floor, motionless with agony… I prayed.

I didn’t pray to my God. I’d always instinctively known that there was no deity for my kind. It made no sense for immortals to have a god; we had taken ourselves out of any god’s power. We created our lives, and the only power strong enough to take them away again was another like us. Earthquakes couldn’t crush us, floods couldn’t drown us, fires were too slow to catch us. Sulfur and brimstone were irrelevant. We were the gods of our own alternate universe. Inside the mortal world but over it, never slaves to its laws, only our own.

There was no God that I belonged to. No one for me to supplicate. Carlisle had different ideas, and maybe, just maybe, an exception could be made for someone like him. But I wasn’t like him. I was stained like all the rest of our kind.

Instead, I prayed to  _ her _ God. Because if there was some higher, benevolent power in her universe, then surely,  _ surely _ , he or she or they would have to be concerned about this bravest and kindest daughter. If not, there was really no purpose to any such entity. I had to believe she mattered to that distant God, if one existed at all.

So I prayed to her God for the strength I would need. I knew I wasn’t strong enough in myself—the power would have to come from the outside. With perfect clarity, I recalled Alice’s visions of Eva abandoned—her bleak, shadowed, empty, hollow face. Her pain and her nightmares. I’d never been able to imagine my resolve  _ not _ breaking,  _ not _ caving to the knowledge of her grief. I couldn’t imagine it now. But I would have to do it. I had to learn the strength.

I prayed to her God with all the anguish of my damned, lost soul that he—or she, or they—would help me protect Eva from myself.


	3. Half a Man

ALICE HAD SEEN THE MOMENT WHEN Eva WOULD FINALLY OPEN HER eyes. There were practical reasons why I needed to have some time alone with her before she spoke to anyone else; Eva knew nothing of our cover actions. Of course, Alice or Carlisle could have handled this, and Eva was bright enough to feign amnesia until she could get her story straight, but Alice knew I needed more than just to clear up the narrative.

Over the hours of waiting, Alice had introduced herself to her mother, and then proceeded to charm her until they were now close confidantes, in her mother’s head, at least. It was Alice who convinced her mother to go have lunch at the perfect time.

This was just after one o’clock in the afternoon. I’d had the blinds closed against the morning sun, but I’d be able to crack them soon. The sun was on the other side of the hospital now.

Once her mother was gone, I pulled my chair close to Eva’s bed, resting my elbows on the edge of the mattress next to her shoulder. I didn’t know if she would have felt the time passing, or if her mind would still be back in that accursed cathedral. She would need reassurance, and I knew her well enough to be sure that my face would comfort her. For good or ill, I put her at ease.

She started to fidget right on schedule. She’d moved before, but this was a more concentrated effort. Her forehead creased when her efforts caused her pain, and the little stress  _ v _ appeared between her brows. As I had so often wanted to do, I brushed softly across that  _ v _ with my index finger, trying to erase it. It faded slightly, and her eyes started to flutter. The beeping of her heart rate monitor accelerated slightly.

Her eyes opened, then closed. She tried again, squinting against the brightness of the overhead lights. She looked away, toward the window, while her eyes adjusted. Her heart was beating faster now. Hands struggling with the monitor lines, she reached for the tubing under her nose, obviously meaning to remove it. I caught her hand.

“No you don’t,” I said quietly.

As soon as she heard my voice, her heart started to slow.

“Edward?” She couldn’t turn her head as far as she wanted. I leaned closer. Our eyes met, and hers, still dotted with red, started filling with tears. 

“Oh god, Edward, I’m so sorry.” she wheezed

It hurt in a very specific and piercing kind of way when she apologized to me.

“Shhh,” I insisted. “Everything’s all right now.”

“What happened?” she asked, her forehead wrinkling as though she was trying to solve a riddle.

I’d had my answer planned. I’d thought through the gentlest way to explain. Instead, my own fears and remorse came flooding through my lips.

“I was almost too late. I could have been too late.”

She stared at me for a long moment, and I watched as the memories returned. She winced, and her breathing accelerated. “I promised you, I would fight...till my heart stopped. I promised you.”

Agony seared through every desiccated vein in my body, remembering her lost pulse, the terror, thinking I’d brought her to her death.

“It did stop...” I choked out the words, bitter, angry and loathing myself with everything I had. She weakly reached out to place her tiny hand over mine. It only made me angrier, she was comforting  _ me. _

“And you shouldn’t have  _ had to.”  _ I snarled, spitting.

“I told you, I hate it when you start with...the self flagellation.” her scolding was quiet, but also, full of a warmth that used to fill me like light, now it felt like if I let it touch me, I might infect her.

“Jace was..a monster...don’t blame yourself for what he did…And even if it did, I’m alive now, right?”

I couldn’t respond to that, watching her face. How on earth could she just set that aside, set aside that she’d been clinically dead for a full minute. I reached out, taking her hand to place it against my cheek. Even broken, she was trying to take care of me. 

I couldn’t stay angry for long. Not with the way she looked at me as she stroked my cheekbone weakly with her thumb.

“Does..Does my family know?”

"Alice called them. Charlotte is here — well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now, Kain is as well. Your father is headed back to washington to help prepare for your return trip home."

“My mom’s here!?” Eva shifted her weight as if she was about to lurch out of bed. But winced and hissed in pain.

I caught her shoulder and held her back down.

“She’ll be back soon,” I assured her. “And you need to stay still.”

This didn’t calm her the way I’d intended. Her eyes were panicked. “What’s the cover story? What happened?” She whispered, panicked.

“You were in a car accident, swerved off the road and hit an abandoned church. Luckily my family was following behind in a different car. Alice and I were in the backseat, the drivers side took the most damage.” 

“..Oh..”

Given the way both her parents had accepted our story—not just that it was possible, but that it was somehow to be expected, she relaxed.

She sighed, but she seemed calmer now that she knew the alibi. She stared down at her sheet-covered body for a few seconds.

“How bad am I?” she asked.

I listed off the larger injuries. "A four inch stab wound that punctured your lung, four broken ribs, your left ulna and radius were broken, a broken nose, torn jaw muscles from it being dislocated, your shoulder had to be reset, your eye socket was fractured, nose broken, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and some of your organs, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it — it made you smell all wrong for a while."

“Jesus fucking christ…” She mumbled, grimacing at the length of it. “That must have been a nice change for you.”

“No, I like how  _ you _ smell.”

She looked carefully into my eyes then, searching. After a long moment of this, she asked, “How did you do it?”

I didn’t know why this subject was so unpleasant. I  _ had _ succeeded. I knew Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were awestruck by my accomplishment. But I couldn’t see it the same way. It had been too close. I remembered with such unbearable clarity how badly my body had wanted to stay in that bliss forever.

I couldn’t meet her gaze any longer. I looked down at her hand, taking it carefully into mine. The wires spilled out on either side.

“I’m not sure,” I whispered.

She didn’t speak, and I could feel her eyes on me, waiting for a better answer. I sighed.

My words were barely louder than a breath. “It was impossible… to stop. Impossible. But I did.”

I tried to smile at her then, to meet her gaze. “I  _ must _ love you.”

“Don’t I taste as good as I smell?” She grinned at her joke, then flinched, feeling the damage to her jaw and cheek muscles.

I didn’t try to play along with her lighthearted tone. Obviously, she shouldn’t be smiling.

“Even better,” I answered honestly, if a little bitterly. “Better than I’d imagined.”

“I’m sorry.”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course you would be the one apologizing.”

Her eyes were far away for a moment, and her heart sped. A shudder rocked through her, and then she hissed at the pain that caused.

“Eva, what’s wrong?”

She whimpered. “What happened to Jace?”

Well, I could set her at ease about this much. “After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him.”

She frowned, winced, then smoothed her expression. “I didn’t see Emmett and Jasper there.”

“They had to leave the room… there was a lot of blood.” A river of it. For a second, it felt as though I were still stained with it.

“But you stayed,” she breathed.

“Yes, I stayed.”

“And Alice, and Carlisle…” Her voice was full of wonder.

I smiled just a little. “They love you, too, you know.”

Her expression was abruptly anxious again. “Did Alice see the tape?”

“Yes.”

It was a subject we were currently avoiding. I knew she was doing her own research, and she knew I wasn’t ready to discuss it with her yet.

“She was always in the dark,” Eva said urgently. “That’s why she didn’t remember.”

It was so very Eva that all her concern would be focused on someone else, even in this moment.

“I know. She understands now.”

I wasn’t sure what my face was doing, but it concerned Eva. She tried to reach up, to touch my cheek, but stopped when the IV pulled at her hand.

“Ugh,” she groaned.

Had she dislodged the IV? Her motion hadn’t been that rough, but it wasn’t as if I could examine it closely.

“What is it?” I demanded.

“Needles,” she said. She was staring up at the ceiling now, concentrating as if there were something more riveting than basic acoustic tiles above her. She took a deep breath, and I was stunned to see some pale green edging her lips.

“Afraid of a needle,” I grumbled. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she’ll antagonize him and spit in his face. An IV, on the other hand…"

She rolled her eyes. The green was already fading. But then her gaze sharpened and she turned to me, furious.

“You watched the tape! I told you in the video NOT to.”

I hissed in response, gritting my teeth, I knew she would be angry, but what could I say? I’d needed to see it, for the strength to…

She relaxed again after a moment, looking incredibly tired.

Then her eyes cut to me and she asked in a troubled tone, “...Why are  _ you _ here?”

I’d thought… but that didn’t matter. “Do you want me to leave?”

Maybe what I needed to do would be easier than I’d thought. Pain stabbed through the general region of my obsolete heart.

“No!” she protested; it was almost a shout. She deliberately moderated her volume back to a near whisper. “ _ No _ , I meant, why does my  _ mother _ think you’re here? I told Kain I was in Mexico. How’d we get to Louisiana.”

“Oh.”

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. So many times I’d thought she was done with me, but she never was.

“We were in Louisiana for a layover and decided to extend our stay. We could only manage to rent compact cars on such short notice, and we were on our way to the hotel when you crashed your car. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."

She considered this for a second. “There are a few flaws with that story. Like no car plowed into the church, I’m guessing.”

I couldn’t help grinning. “Not really. Alice and Emmet had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly — Emmet was very happy that he got to drive a car full speed into the wall, he liked the rush.”

I stroked her unbruised cheek softly. “You have nothing to worry about. Your only job now is to heal.”

And then her heart started racing. I looked for signs of pain, I thought through my words for something upsetting, but then I noticed the dilation of her pupils and realized. She was responding to my touch.

Her eyes focused on the machine beeping out her heart’s excesses, and narrowed. “That’s going to be embarrassing.”

I laughed quietly at her expression. A light blush was coloring her good cheek.

“Hmm, I wonder.…”

I was already only inches from her face. Slowly, I erased that distance. Her heart raced faster. When I kissed her, my lips barely brushing against hers, that rhythm stuttered. Her heart literally skipped a beat.

I jerked away from her, anxious until her heart resumed a healthy cadence.

“It seems that I’m going to have to be even more careful with you than usual.”

She frowned, winced, then said, “I was not finished kissing you. Don’t make me come over there.”

I smiled at the threat, then gently kissed her again, quitting as soon as her heart started acting up. It was a very short kiss.

She looked about to complain, but this experiment had to be put on hold regardless.

I scooted my chair a foot from her bed. “I think I hear your mother.”

her mother was climbing the stairs now, on her way to get some quarters from her bag, worrying about the junk food she’d been consuming over the past few days. She wished she had time for a gym visit, but for now the stairs would have to do.

Eva’s face contorted. I assumed it was pain. I leaned close again, desperate for something to do.

“Don’t leave,” Eva said, a sob close to the surface of her voice. Her eyes were tight with fear.

I didn’t want to think about this reaction.

In my head, Alice’s vision tormented me. Eva, curled in on herself in agony, lifeless, the fire in her eyes entirely gone...

I gathered myself for a moment, then tried to answer casually. “I won’t. I’ll… take a nap.”

I grinned at her and then dashed to the turquoise easy chair and reclined it all the way back. After all, her mother had told me to use it whenever I needed a break. I closed my eyes.

“Don’t forget to breathe,” she whispered and I fought a smile. I took an exaggerated breath.

her mother was walking by the nurses’ station now.

“Any change?” she asked the nurse’s assistant on duty, a solid younger woman named Bea. It was clear from her mother’s absentminded tone that she expected a negative response. She kept walking.

“Actually, there’s been some fluctuation on her monitors. I was about to go in.”

_ Oh no, I shouldn’t have left. _

her mother was taking longer strides now, worried. “I’ll check on her and let you know.…”

The aide, rising out of her chair, sat back down again, bowing to her mother’s desires.

Eva twitched and the bed squeaked. It was obvious how much her mother’s distress upset her.

her mother opened the door quietly. Of course she wanted Eva to wake up, but it still felt rude to be noisy.

“Mom!” Eva whispered joyously.

I couldn’t see her mother’s expression while pretending to sleep, but her thoughts were overwhelmed. I heard her footsteps falter. And then she noticed my sleeping form.

“He never leaves, does he?” she mumbled quietly, and shouted mentally—I’d gotten used to the volume, though; it wasn’t as startling as it used to be. But she was a little appeased. She’d begun to wonder if I  _ ever _ slept.

“Mom, I’m so glad to see you!” Eva enthused.

her mother was startled for a second by Eva’s bloodstained eyes. Her own started to well with tears at this fresh proof of Eva’s suffering.

I peeked through my lids to watch her mother gingerly embrace her daughter. The tears had overflowed onto her mother’s cheeks.

“Eva, I was so upset!”

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

Her mother stroked her hair gently and shushed her, internally scolding her for apologizing.

“I’m just glad to finally see your eyes open.” Though she winced internally again at their gruesome condition.

There was a moment of silence, and then Eva asked doubtfully, “How long have they been closed?”

I realized this was something we’d not yet discussed.

“It’s Friday, baby,” her mother told her. “You’ve been out for a while.”

Eva was shocked. “Friday?”

“They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey—you’ve got a lot of injuries.”

“I  _ know _ ,” Eva agreed with emphasis. I wondered how much pain she was in now.

“You’re lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He’s such a nice man.… Very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor.…”

“You met Carlisle?”

“And Edward’s sister Alice. She’s a lovely girl.”

“She is!”

her mother’s piercing thoughts turned to me again. “You didn’t tell me you had such good friends at school.”

_ Very, very good friends. _

Suddenly, Eva moaned.

My eyes opened of their own accord. They didn’t give me away; her mother’s gaze was trained on Eva, too.

“What hurts?” she demanded.

“It’s fine,” Eva assured her mother, though I could tell the assurance was for me, too. Our eyes locked for a second before I closed mine again. “I just have to remember not to move.”

her mother fluttered uselessly over her daughter’s inert form. When Eva spoke again, her voice was bright. “Where’s Andrew?”

her mother was totally distracted, which I thought was rather the point.

_ I haven’t told her the good news. Oh, she’ll be so happy. _

"LA — oh, Eva! We actually started planning our retirement now, we found the cutest house a little further inland, we’ll have a guest room for both you and your brother!”

“That’s great, Mom,” Eva said, but there was a little concern in her tone, and hope too.

"And you'll like it so much,” her mother was nearly bursting with enthusiasm. Her thoughts shouted along with her words, and I was sure those thoughts would work on Eva the way they worked on everyone else. She began to gush about the weather, the ocean, the adorable yellow house with the white trim, never doubting that Eva would be just as thrilled as she was.

I knew every aspect of her mother’s plan for Eva’s future. her mother had mentally enthused about her happy news a hundred times while we waited for Eva to wake. In many ways, her plan was exactly the answer I’d been looking for.

“Wait, Mom!” Eva said, confused. I imagined her mother’s enthusiasm smothering her like a heavy down comforter. 

"What are you talking about? I'm not coming back over summer this year. I live with Kain."

"You want to stay over summer?" 

her mother waited for Eva’s delight to dawn, and when it didn’t she was surprised. “...why?”

_ That boy is the real reason. _

"I’ve made friends and have a social life, plus Kain needs all the help he can get, he still thinks the apartment is haunted— ouch!" 

Again, I had to look. her mother hovered over Eva, her hands reaching out hesitantly, not sure where to touch. She ended up putting one hand on Eva’s forehead.

“Eva, honey, you love California.” her mother sounded concerned that Eva had forgotten.

Eva’s voice took on a defensive edge. “It’s not so bad up in Washington, better than I’d imagined actually."

her mother decided to cut to the heart of it.

“Is it this boy?” she whispered. It was more an accusation than a question.

Eva hesitated, then admitted, “He’s part of it.… So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?”

“Yes, and I want to talk to you about that.”

“What about?” Eva responded innocently.

“I think that boy is in love with you,” her mother whispered.

“I think so, too.” I watched Eva’s expression melt into the adoring expression I knew so well, and for just a moment, she looked more vibrant, laughing weakly.

_ Oh lord, look at those eyes...she’s fallen so hard. This guy must really be something. _

“And… how do you feel about him?”

Eva sighed, and then her tone was nonchalant. “I’m...we’re getting serious.”

“Well, he  _ seems _ very nice, and my goodness, he’s incredibly good-looking, but you’re so young, Eva.…”

_ And you’re too much like Cole. It’s too soon. _

"I know that, Mom. Don't worry about it. We attend school together, I’d never let a boy get in the way of my degree.”

I almost chuckled, she truly wouldn’t, would she.

“Good girl.” her mother said.

_ Good. So she’s not getting all intense and Cole-ish about this. Oh, is that the time? I’m late. _

Eva picked up on her mother’s sudden distraction. “Do you need to go?”

“Andrew’s supposed to call in a little while.… I didn’t know you were going to wake up.…”

“No problem, Mom.” Eva couldn’t entirely hide her relief. “I won’t be alone.”

“I’ll be back soon. I’ve been sleeping here, you know,” her mother added, flaunting her Good Mother behavior.

“Oh, Mom, you don’t have to do that!” Eva was upset by the idea of her mother sacrificing for her. She hated inconveniencing anyone, especially her overworked mother. “You can sleep at a Hotel—I’ll never notice.”

She sighed. “...it was so touch and go for so long. Your heart stopped you know...a full minute.” she paled, her thoughts went back to her sitting in the airport, where she’d been when it happened.

“Mom…” Eva let a tear slip over her battered cheek, seeing her mothers pain.

I had a difficult time holding my position. 

“I can stay, baby, if you need me.”

“No, Mom, I’ll be fine, please, go rest. Edward will be with me.”

_ Of course he will. He better be, leaving you alone right now might be too much for my heart. _

“I’ll be back tonight.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Eva. If you ever scare me like this again, I don’t care how old you are, I will ground you for life.”

I worked to control the grin that burst through my façade.

Bea came in to make her rounds, weaving around her mother in a practiced way to get to Eva’s monitors.

her mother kissed Eva on the forehead, patted her hand, and then made her getaway, eager to tell Andrew the news that Eva was awake.

“Are you feeling anxious, honey?” Bea inquired. “Your heart rate got a little high there.”

“I’m fine,” Eva assured her.

“I’ll tell your RN that you’re awake. She’ll be in to see you in a minute.”

Before the door was closed behind Bea, I was at Eva’s side.

“How was your nap?” she asked.

All the playfulness of our interaction faded. “Interesting.”

The change in mood confused her. “What?”

I stared at the cast that held her arm, not sure what she would see in my eyes. “I’m surprised,” I said slowly. “I thought California… and your mother… well, I thought that’s what you would want.”

“But you’d be stuck inside all day in California,” she pointed out, not following. “You’d only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire.”

The way she phrased it made me want to smile, but I also wanted very much  _ not _ to smile.

“I would stay in Washington, Eva. Or somewhere like it. Someplace where I couldn’t hurt you anymore.”

She stared at me with a blank expression, as though I’d answered her in Latin. I waited for her to process my meaning. Then her heart started to beat faster and her breathing shifted into hyperventilation. She flinched with every breath, her expanding lungs pushing against her broken ribs.

“Has it ever occurred to you…that you are not the one hurting me...and you cannot control what does? Just because Alice...can see...parts of the f-” She cut off, her breath becoming a painful wheezing, her anxiety keeping her from getting enough air.

An echo of the grieving future Eva flashed across her face.

It was hard to watch. I wanted to say something to ease her pain, her  _ terror _ , but this was supposed to be the right thing. It did not feel right, but I couldn’t trust my own selfish emotions.

Gloria walked into the room, just in for her afternoon shift. She appraised Eva with an expert eye.

_ I’d say she’s about at a six. It’s good to see her poor eyes open, though. _

“Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?” she asked kindly, tapping the IV feed.

“No, no,” Eva objected, breathless. “I don’t need anything.”

“No need to be brave, honey. It’s better if you don’t get too stressed out; you need to rest.”

Gloria waited for Eva to change her mind. Eva carefully shook her head, her expression a mixture of pain and defiance.

Gloria sighed. “Okay. Hit the call button when you’re ready.”

She glanced at me, not sure how she felt about my constant vigil, and then looked at Eva’s monitors once more before leaving.

Eva’s eyes were still wild. I put my hands on either side of her face, barely touching the broken left cheek. “Shh, Eva, calm down.”

“Stop...talking about...leaving,” she begged, her voice breaking, eyes watering again.

And this was why I was not strong enough by myself. How could I cause her more agony? She lay here now in taped-together pieces, struggling with pain, and her one plea was that I stay.

“I won’t,” I told her, while I mentally qualified my answer.  _ Not until you’re whole again. Not until you’re ready. Not until I find the strength. _ “Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you.”

It was as though she could hear my mental caveats. Before—before the hunt and the horror—I’d promised her many times that I would stay. I’d always meant it, and she’d always believed. But now she saw through me. The rhythm of her heart wouldn’t settle.

I stroked my fingers along her whole cheek. “Eva, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here as long as you need me.”

“Promise me...Promise me you wont keep...tearing yourself up...you didn’t do anything wrong...Promise me...this won’t ruin us..." she whispered. Her hand twitched toward her ribs. They must be aching.

But her words sent me in a new spiral, my frozen heart crumbling in my chest.

_ “Promise me this won’t ruin us.” _

How could she feel what she was feeling and not see that I was saving her? Trying to? I should never have allowed there to be an “us”. My selfishness had literally killed her, yet she still fought. She was too fragile for this now. I should have known, and waited. Even if her mother had just offered her the perfect option for a vampire-free life.

I took her face in my hands again, let the consuming love I felt for her fill my eyes, and lied with all the experience of a hundred years of daily deception.

“I promise.”

The tension in her limbs relaxed. Her eyes did not release mine, but after a few seconds her heart eased into its normal rhythm.

“Better?”

Her eyes were wary, her voice unsure when she answered. “Yes?”

She must have sensed that I was still holding something back.

I needed her to believe me, just long enough to let her safely heal. I couldn’t be responsible for complicating her recovery.

So I tried to act as I would if I were hiding nothing. As if I were exasperated by her agitated response. I made an annoyed face and muttered the words, “Overreacting just a little bit, don’t you think?”

I said them too fast; she probably couldn’t understand.

“Why did you say that?” she whispered, a tremor in her voice. “Is this not worth fighting for?”

I wanted to laugh for a hundred years at the idea of me not wishing with my entire being I could stay by her side. Or cry for a thousand.

But the time would come, I was sure now, when I would have to convince her otherwise. So I tempered my response, made it lukewarm, moderate.

“The fact, that it is this, that I am, what I am, is why you have to fight  _ this  _ hard.”

The truth had found its way into the end of my speech, and I choked on the emotion that welled in my throat like a bundle of razor blades.

Eva scowled at me. “Yes, you are the reason—the reason I’m here  _ alive _ .”

I couldn’t hold on to the lukewarm. I whispered to hide the pain. “Barely. Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move.”

“I wasn’t referring to my most recent near-death experience,” she snapped at me. “I was thinking of the others—you can take your pick. If it weren’t for you, I would be rotting away in a Washington cemetery.”

I recoiled from the image, but then returned to my point, not letting her sidetrack my remorse.

“That’s not the worst part, though. Not seeing you there on the floor… crumpled and broken.” I fought to regain control over my voice. “Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain—all those unbearable memories that I’ll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling… knowing that I couldn’t stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself.”

She frowned. “But you didn’t.”

“I could have. So easily.”

Again, her heart started to pound.

“Promise me again, dammit” she hissed.

“What?”

She was glaring at me now. “You know what. Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional.”

Eva had heard the direction of my words. She could hear me talking myself up to the strength I needed. I had to remember that she read my mind a thousand times better than I could read hers. I almost laughed, a horrid sad sound at her words, of course pain was mandatory by my side, was she saying she was trying to enjoy it now? I felt the ghost of nausea in my stomach.

I tried to only say true things so she wouldn’t see through me as easily as before. “I don’t seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you’ll get your way… whether it kills you or not.”

“Good.” But I could hear she was not convinced.“I’ve told you a thousand times. This is worth it to me, If I can’t save you...protect you...the least I can do is bloody fight for  _ my  _ life. I fought so hard not to leave you, Edward. It’s not equal, but please...please stop trying so hard to make...all of my efforts mean nothing.”

There was truth to what she was saying, but she was missing the central point. The pain once again ate at me, and I once again questioned everything, how could I make her feel that her survival meant nothing? I didn’t want her to fight, she should never have to fight for something so simple as being able to love her partner. I could never be her equal. There was no way back for me. And that was the only equality that left her unscathed.

I crossed my arms on the edge of her mattress and let my chin rest on them. It was time to calm the fervor of this discussion.

“You  _ have _ saved me,” I told her calmly. This was true.

“I can’t always be Lois Lane,” she warned me. “I want to be Superman, too. If you can just wait for me, let me keep fighting until I can become one of you-"”

I kept my voice soft, soothing, but I had to avert my eyes. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I think I do.”

“Eva, you  _ don’t _ know,” I murmured, my voice still gentle. “I’ve had almost ninety years to think about this, and I’m still not sure.”

“Do you wish that Carlisle hadn’t saved you?”

“No, I don’t wish that.” I never would have met her if he hadn’t. “But my life was over. I wasn’t giving anything up.” Except a soul.

“That’s why we make a plan! There is a right way to do this love, we just need to find it..” She pleaded with me, and I laughed, trying to find the logical way to damn her for eternity.

_ And what will you do when she begs?  _ the memory of Rosalie whispered in my head.

“We’re adults Edward, I may be new to having a relationship as an adult, but I know that we can work together. I know we can plan for a future that means I’m...not fragile.”

I refocused. If Eva wanted to continue this discussion, I was going to continue to point out the things she hadn’t considered.

“So we kill you at thirty? Forty? Or when exactly do you think it would be a good time to put your family through that loss.” my voice was bitter, cold, and she winced. 

“I want to do this...as right as possible, that’s why we should talk about this-”

“Eva, we’re not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that’s the end of it.”

This was harder for her to make light of. Long minutes passed while she worked to find an answer. Once she opened her mouth, and then closed it again. She never looked away, but the defiance in her eyes slowly turned to defeat.

“If you think that’s the end, then you don’t know me very well.” She warned quietly, that spark flickering behind her eyes.

“Alice already saw it, didn’t she?” Eva said, confident, though it appeared Alice had kept  _ some _ things to herself. “That’s why the things she says upset you. She knows I’m going to be like you… someday.”

“She’s wrong.” I was confident, now, too. I’d circumvented Alice before. “She also saw you dead, but that didn’t happen, either.”

“You’ll never catch  _ me _ betting against Alice.”

She stared at me, defiant again. I felt the stern lines of my own face, and worked to relax them. This was a waste of time, and there was so little of that left.

“So where does that leave us?” she asked hesitantly.

I sighed, and then laughed once without much humor. “I believe it’s called an  _ impasse _ .”

An impasse that led to an inevitability.

Her heavy sigh echoed mine. “Ouch.”

I looked at her face, and then the call button.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” she said unconvincingly.

I smiled at her. “I don’t believe you.”

Her lip pushed out. “I’m not going back to sleep.”

“You need rest. All this arguing isn’t good for you.” My fault, of course, always my fault.

“So give in,” she suggested.

I pressed the button. “Nice try.”

“No!” she complained.

“Yes?” Bea’s voice sounded tinny through the little speaker.

“I think we’re ready for more pain medication,” I told her. Eva scowled at me, and then winced.

“I’ll send in the nurse.”

“I won’t take it,” Eva threatened.

I looked pointedly at her IV bag. “I don’t think they’re going to ask you to swallow anything.”

Her heart took off again.

“Eva, you’re in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? They’re not going to put any more needles in you now.”

Her face had lost all its stubbornness; she was only troubled now. “I’m not afraid of the needles. I’m afraid to close my eyes.”

I reached out to hold her face, and smiled at her with perfect sincerity. This wasn’t difficult. All I wanted—all I would ever want—was to look into her eyes forever. “I told you I’m not going anywhere. Don’t be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I’ll be here.”

_ Until you’re healthy, until you’re ready. Until I find the strength I need. _

She smiled despite the pain. “You’re talking about forever, you know.”

A mortal kind of  _ forever _ .

“That’s the beautiful thing about being human,” I said quietly. “Things change.”

“Don’t hold your breath, and go get something to eat, dammit.”

I had to laugh at her sour expression. She knew how long I could hold my breath.

Gloria bustled in with a syringe already in hand.

_ He needs to give her some peace and quiet, poor thing. _

I moved out of her way before her “Excuse me” was half out of her mouth. I leaned against the wall at the other end of the room, giving Gloria space. I didn’t want to irritate her enough that she would try to kick me out again. I wasn’t sure where Carlisle was.

Eva stared at me anxiously, worried I was going to walk right out and keep going. I tried to make my expression reassuring. I would be here when she woke up. As long as she needed me.

Gloria injected the painkiller into the port. “Here you go, honey. You’ll feel better now.”

Eva’s “Thanks” was less than grateful.

It took only seconds for Eva’s eyelids to close.

“That ought to do it,” Gloria murmured.

She gave me a pointed glance, but I stared toward the window, pretending I didn’t see. She shut the door quietly behind herself.

I flitted back to Eva, cradling the good side of her face in my hand.

“You made a promise to me, I kept mine...” The words were slurred, but vulnerable, pleading.

“Don’t worry about that now, Eva. You can argue with me when you wake up.”

The corners of her lips curled into a faint smile. “’Kay.”

I leaned down and kissed her temple, then whispered “I love you” into her ear.

“I love you, too,” she breathed.

I laughed halfheartedly. “I know.” That was the problem.

She fought against the sedation, turning her head toward me… searching.

I kissed her bruised lips softly.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Her face went slack as she finally began to sink.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck and breathed in her searing essence. I felt something warm and wet hit my cheek, but I recognized the scent of her tears. My own eyes burned fruitlessly, and I found myself wishing again, as I had in the beginning, that I could dream with her.


End file.
